胡桃木鸟笼里的女孩 [4]
Minax | 02 January, 2010 23:16
心早听我说完，觉得按目前了解的情况只能说是个巧合。但这巧合有些太过蹊跷，令我俩狐疑不定。现在我那篇专题也只能按陈老师的想法，抓住火灾的线来做文章。心早见我脸色不好，便坚持陪我再去现场。回到现场，消防车已经撤了，只剩下一辆警车，估计是留在现场调查取证调查的，围观的人也都散得差不多了。
我俩往2号楼走去，只见楼下拦着黄色的警戒线。我俩站在线外往里瞅了瞅，楼道被熏得黑洞洞的，不见警察影子，却听到一楼一户人家里有些动静，莫不是室内没有烧到，户主回去拿东西了。我想进去敲门问个清楚，心早却说警察拦着线，还是不要进了。我俩犹豫之中，只听门吱啦被拉开，一中年男人哭丧着脸走了出来，手上提溜着一白塑料袋，喃喃骂道：“妈的，不是个东西，邮票全烧了。”
“您是这儿的居民？”心早马上问道。
“你说呢？”那男人没好气地反问：“明知故问。”
“对不起，我是青年文艺的记者，今天本来要采访刘少明的。”我自我介绍道。男子停了下来，狐疑地打量了我一番。我接着说：“谁知出了火灾，您做邻居的家里也受影响了吧？”
听我这么一说，男子话匣子顿开：“受影响？！险些没被他害死。家里被烧光了，我集了十几年的邮票没一本保存下来。”他说到激动处，大声嚷嚷起来。“跟这种神经病做邻居是我倒了八辈子霉了。他倒一死了事了。”
“您知道火是怎么起来的吗？”我小心翼翼道。
“不晓得，反正火就是从那个刘少明家冒出来的。他自个也没往外逃，我看就是他自己放的，自杀还要拉我们全楼人做陪葬，这人心黑死了。以前就寻死觅活的了，早该把他送疯人院。”
“据说他是个很有追求的画家。”心早插道，纯属臆测。
中年男嗤之以鼻，“画家？画了多少年了都没闹出啥动静，办个画展也只能在自家里办。”
我心下一动，问道：“您昨天也去他家看画展了？”
“嗯。”男人不情愿地哼道，“一个单位的又是邻居，邀请去了，不去拉开面子。”
“那照您看他昨天有什么反常吗？他跟你说什么了吗？”我问。
“那倒看不出来，他这个人一天到晚神经兮兮。要我说他天天反常。”他说，想想又补充道：“你这一说我倒觉得古怪了，昨天他不是反常，是表现地太正常了，一见面就客气地寒暄了半天，前所未有的事，这不说，还体贴得很，递我一罐冰镇可乐，说是天热镇暑。我见他冰箱里除了饮料什么都没装，就开玩笑说他不食人间烟火，他还说是要马上出门旅行的。”男人说道，不屑地打量我和心早一眼，说：“你俩看起来像是学生伢，说是记者，我看是实习记者吧。”
“您眼力真好，我俩都是学生，这是我们第一次采访这么大的事，您这么了解内情，遇到您真是我们三生有幸啊。”心早满脸堆笑地奉承他，一面朝我挤眼睛。那男人被她奉承地心花怒放，先前的苦瓜脸也没了，竟然露出洋洋自得的笑容。我正要趁热打铁追问下去，这时楼道里脚步声迭起，只见两人走了出来，正是陈老师和先前跟他打招呼的法医。陈老师见我和心早，错愕道：“刚才还以为你走了呢，小逍，这位是。”
“这是我同学本来约好今天见面逛街的，她提前来找我了。”不知怎的，我顺口扯起谎来。心早看了我一眼。
“哦，今天早上这闹的，我看你气色也不好。”陈老师关切地说，“现场的情况警方会提供的。”他看了那法医一眼，又打量了一下和我们站一起的男子，说道：“要不你今天就回去休息一下吧，别做周边采访了。”
这家伙说是关心我，怎么感觉像在耍人，把我召之即来挥之即去的，但面对他无懈可击的善意，我也无话可说，只好客气谢过，打道回府。我和心早告辞离去，陈老师却留下来和那男子攀谈起来，这让我不由心里打起小鼓。
“你那个陈老师怎么和警察混那么熟，可以自由出入现场。”心早半响无语，突然说道。
这正是我心里疑惑之处，不过咱们虽说是法治社会，只要有人脉，有票子，法律都能屈能伸，认识个警察，进个现场什么不算什么吧。倒是那个男人的话让我十分在意。
“哎，心早，你说一个人办着画展，又要马上出门旅行，不奇怪吗？”我说。“我记得他那个画展是要办一周的，一周时间冰箱里不存食物，难道一日三餐叫外卖吗？”
“我也想到了。”心早道：“就算叫外卖，一般人都会存点东西吧，面包、酸奶、剩饭？假设他半夜裸奔什么的，那更需要囤点夜宵补充体力吧”
我扑哧一笑：“要是他真的神经不正常，什么都有可能，别说冰箱里不存食物了。”
“哎，逍儿，一个不正常的人，突然正常了说明什么？”心早话锋一转。
“你是说刚才那大叔说的？寒暄？三伏天里冰箱里放冷饮来招待客人？不留食物因为要旅行？”
心早点头：“假设他之前都是个离经叛道的神经质，很难想象他会突然做出这样合理冷静的行为。除非他真的疯了……”
“或者他冷静计划过什么？”我接到。
说来好笑，心早和我竟然像侦探一样，像模像样地搞起推理来了。话说捕风捉影貌似女生的专长，可我俩这样为了一个巧合而狐疑不定，看谁都像嫌疑人的推理风格，就算马上被柯南的粉丝捉到，当街戏弄一番也不奇怪。
“好了好了，根据大家反映，刘少明这种人放火自杀也毫不奇怪，咱俩别没事瞎猜了。”我自我解嘲。
我俩上了辆有空调的608路回武大，心早拿出我不感兴趣的周黑鸭鸭翅，一路狂啃，我则头靠车窗，在公车起停摇摆的节奏里昏昏欲睡。
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胡桃木鸟笼里的女孩【3】
Minax | 25 December, 2009 23:52
还没到刘少明住的省画协家属区跟前，就见街上警车、消防车、救护车鸣做一团，在通往小区的侧街上拐进拐出。的哥看得眼都直了：“赫死个人，这哈子出大事了。”我见状让的哥靠边停。我下了车找个垃圾桶把空碗扔掉，沿着马路牙子走过去。侧街上卖早点的摊子都被赶上了人行道，挨着居民楼根勉强营业。还别说，就那一片混乱之中，该包小混沌的还包着小混沌，该炸面窝的还炸着面窝，该过早的还如如不动地坐着过早，只不过大家手里各自做着各自的事，眼睛却都朝出事的地方瞄着。画协小区门口堵着几辆警车，进出要检查身份证。一眼望去，里面影影绰绰都是消防员和120的人，往里数左手起第2栋楼，楼侧焦黑一片，楼顶还冒着残烟，其他情形就看不大清了。我心里明白，那正是昨日我拜访刘少明时上的楼。
“造孽哟。”只听旁边卖混沌的一声叹息。
“出什么事了？”我趁机搭话。
“听说是婆媳吵架，天天吵。昨儿吵到大半夜，那女子气不过，早上趁人没起来把屋里烧了。”卖混沌的边说边摇头。“所以说撒，有女人的地方就有麻烦。” (More)
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胡桃木鸟笼里的女孩 【2】
Minax | 03 November, 2009 22:14
回到樱园宿舍，四下一片寂静，只有蝉鸣和闷热产生的轰鸣错觉。时值暑假，大家都还天南地北地实习，只有我和舍友卢心早驻守武汉。进了屋，不见此女，只见桌 上亲热地留一字条“亲爱的小逍儿，宿舍该收拾了。^_^ 早儿”。我提笔批注“你不停止乱丢乳罩内裤，我就不值日！” 真是的，这女人成日只顾和她那在同济读牙医的男友出去厮混，美其名曰研究汉派美食，根本不理内勤。
我捡个相对干净的地方坐下，门窗电扇打开。这武汉的三伏高温不是好玩的，动辄40度以上，夜晚不降温的。偏偏樱园宿舍太古董，电网比90岁老太坐着 都打抖得膝盖还羸弱，所以宿舍里一律不能装空调。这小电扇任凭它滴溜溜转个不停，扇出来的风还不足以抵消电机的热。我索性将它关掉，默默地听着蝉鸣蒸桑 拿。 (More)
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胡桃木鸟笼里的女孩 【1】
Minax | 21 October, 2009 00:47
1.
“除了没有衣服，没有语言外，还没有视力，所以即使有一面镜子也看不到自己有多么美丽。”
2009年夏天的时候，我参加了一个画展。画家是个把头发就着天然头油齐刷刷梳到脑后的长发青年。他站在我身边的时候，我老是嗅到若有若无的积垢味。他的手纤细修长，却青筋纵横，这两种特质放到一起本身就很奇怪，加上他偶尔神经质地抽搐。两只小指却偏偏蓄着两管指甲，不干不净的样子，用途不难想象。我眼前立马浮现他对着耳屎沉思，继而忽地将其飞弹出去时的样子。总之听了我这么说，你可以推断我这人对不洗澡的文艺青年没有好感。不错，总编派我跑画室线的决定纯粹是牛头不对马嘴。我叫逍，今年22岁，武汉大学新闻系大三实习中。我的新闻理想不包括采访头发出油，养着小指甲，见了记者只会讪笑的男人。
(More)
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memories on a warm summer morning
Minax | 16 September, 2009 22:12
There was once a little child X. X had a pet rabbit who fell very very
sick. So sick that it could hardly breathe, let alone stand. Its hairs
tangled in dirty sticky knobs. They were no longer silky and fluffy. X
did not know what to do and decided to "dispose" of it. So X put this
sick animal in a rubber plate. Knowing what X was going to do, the
rabbit looked at X but was too frail to escape its fate. Though not
without hestiation, X flung the strong well-nurished arm and threw the
plate with the rabbit in it like a freezby. They landed far at the bank
of the river. Even if the rabbit was not killed on landing, it was left
to its own device. That was, on the bank of a stinky polluted river, a
sick rabbit who had lost its appeal as a pet was exposed to the
elements and predators like water snakes and rats.
Growing up, X
lost interest in raising pet rabbits or catching and tearing apart
mountain crabs. X later rasied two ducklings that were chemically
poisoned and bragged by their sellers that they would remain cute and
never grew up. X made them an amphibious habitat with a wooden bathtub.
They seemed to be happy, but did not live long. They fell down from the
7th floor while X was away in a summer camp.
(More)
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the Daffodils Mina Grows
Minax | 10 September, 2009 18:21
The daffodils Mina grows are in bloom
Two at a time
A layer of white skirt
A layer of yellow frills
And their petals pregnant with pollen
Waiting to be kissed by a honey bee
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a few mental notes
Minax | 08 September, 2009 04:50
Caught up with my study partner this morning. She couldn't sleep last
night because of her PSS (pre-exam stress syndromes). Luckily, I'm an
excellent sleep-er and normally wind down 2 days before the exam. This
strategy has worked for me for all my 19 years of exam life (I grew up
in China, right. You are not surprised.) To sum it up - 2 Nevers: Never
look at practice questions in the 48 hrs leading up to the exam (unless
I'm dragged into it by others); Never look at anything printed or
written on the exam day. Ok, perhaps, make it a 3 Nevers - never hang
around people who contradict 1 and 2 of the above... Well, there you
go, my safe-guarded precious secret...
Ok, on a separate note,
the annoyance about law is that 20 years post admission I will still be
haunted by my undergrad results. Look at the recruitment ads of top
jobs - excellent academics, outstanding academics, splendid,superb, top
5%, cream of the class... It's almost as if once you graduate with an
average GPA, you are condemned for the rest of your career life like a
peasant-slave under the Tsar. Ok, that's exaggerating. But when my
successful middle-age barrister-lecture mentioned (on a passing note)
that he wished that he had done better as an undergraduate, it sure
woke me up and had me alert for the rest of that lecture . So the rule
is damn simple. If I wanna do this, I really have to get a D for each
subject. Given I've spent so much time in this law thingy, I might as
well.
(More)
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One fried Youtiao; Two eggs
Minax | 03 September, 2009 22:50
Live from Sydney. I just finished my first ever law exam and the first
lesson learnt was that "Mina, Never Ever Ever Never trust your bleeding
memory!" I jotted down a HD extra mark point on my answer plan, but
heavens forbade, I forgot to put it on even though I wrote it down on
the plan and constantly, I mean, CONSTANTLY, referred back to it. You
tell me how I missed it?! Ok, two areas to be improved on: 1. writing
with hands (HANDS, i mean not fingers!); 2. write a practice question
from beginning to end in time (yea, I'm screwed if I rattle as much as
I do here). But right now allow me to bring my exam-mode hypertension
back to normal by rattling with my fingers.
By
now you should've know that I have a habit of talking about my dreams.
The other day, I dreamt of my dad being bullied by me. Blood was oozing
out of his skin and couldn't coagulate because of his diabetes. So that
was my dream, alright. I don't want to hide that in fact when I was
growing up the "love motivated" smacks on my back was a norm and
occasionally I got beaten for wandering off with mates after school and
not coming home on time. So there was that violence in my psyche and
I'm not surprised that I let it loose and retaliated him in my dream
(in my dream only, thankfully). I had that dream with hatred, loath and
anger...And I vividly remembered these emotions when I woke up. My
relationship with dad was hitting the lowest recently. So I guess I was
only mildly surprised, but didn't feel bad about the dream after all. (More)
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The Original Aim
Minax | 01 September, 2009 04:20
Last time I called home, oh that was after I gave myself a French
manicure on Saturday afternoon. I talked to mom about how Wei and I
wanted to buy a block of land and build a Japanese style L shaped house
with a rock-sand Zen
garden and a lotus pond. I went on to rattle about the land price here
and fantasized when that could come true. "600 thousand at least." "6
wan Renminbi, that's alright." Mom said. "No, Australian dollars." I
said. "Where r u gonna get all that money?" She asked. "errr, I guess
I'll work for another 10 years and see how I go then. I really want it,
you know." I was still mesmerized in my fantasy when mom said, after
being silent for a while which was unusual of her: "You know, you've
deviated from your original aim." I knew too well what she meant and
got mad upon hearing it. "You don't have to draw a conclusion on things
you don't know!" I said emphatically. "Living in a dream house doesn't
prevent me from being a good practicing Buddhist..." So thereafter our
conversation ended abruptly with mom saying that she had to cook in
preparation for the small delegate of Buddhists that she was going to
host at her place.
(More)
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the Cycle
Minax | 29 August, 2009 18:34
I classify myself as a philosophical Buddhism.
As a matter of fact. I never attempt to conceal my skeptism about
religion as a social existence. On occasions, my doubts extend to my
belief in karma, cyclic existence, heaven, hell etc. It's not that I
have a little angelic form of me whispering into my left ear and a
devil boy form of me whispering into the right ear. It's not a battle
between right or wrong, but rather the doubts are a tool of
cross-examination on truth. Let's say, there hasn't been a scientific
measure to verify the existence of cyclic existence, although karma is
indirectly supported by many scientific theories - think the butterfly
effect, the domino effect...So is it true that the law of cause and
effect, translated into the Buddhist language "karma law", is the
ultimate drive of the cyclic wheel of life? Moreover, does life have a
spiritual element that over time can be separated from the body that
hosts it? The second question is fundamental, to which many religions
more or less came to a similar conclusion. The Christians talk about
oneself being a vessel upon which God bestows life and ever-flowing
love. The Taos hotly pursue a celestial life after the mundane human
life. Oh, and the swirling sufis have a beautiful poem of lives
manifested death after death (Sorry Sufis, I forgot the name of the
poem.) The Buddhists take it to another level. They don't want a
hellish life or a heavenly life - they want to get the hell out of
there.
(More)
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You caught me at a bad time again!
Minax | 28 August, 2009 22:03For a fact, I call mom at all sorts of inconvenient times-for her, I mean. I'm taking a nap. I'm singing 10,000 prayers today and not even half way through it. Oh, wait, I gotta go to the washroom - urgently... I'm in the middle of cooking! The wok is red-hot! With oil burning in it!!! Other times, the door bell rang. The express parcel delivery, which happens once in a blue moon, was there. And one time, a summer storm flooded the newly paved timber floor through a crevice of the window. My mom, of cos when I called, was fanatically fighting a losing war to keep the floor dry with hand towels. So most of the time, I hang up after a few words. Other times, I complain a little. Mom concluded that I have a knack of catching her at a bad time, to which I gave it a prompt dismissal or a quick excuse for being in a different time zone. But come to think of it, there was some truth to her conclusion. I do remember, as a child, getting a couple of smacks on the back for nagging her in the kitchen or screaming out for her from bed the first thing in the morning, that is, screaming "mom, mom" uninterruptedly with escalating desparation in the tone until she dropped everything that she was doing and came to cuddle me. So the other day, I was saying that I was going to have 2 or 3 children because I didn't like growing up alone. "Nono, just one is enough." she said urgently, "more than one, you wont be able to cope with the noise!"
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To kill a shark's child
Minax | 27 August, 2009 15:49I had a dream yesterday night. Wei and I dived to the bottom of the ocean and, believe it or not, there was a hut like underwater station with glass potholes. I was briefed on our mission only after we got into the hut - to kill a shark's child. As we spoke, the great white shark circled around our hut in a frenzied chase after something. Wei shut the door and gave me my weapon - a multi-nozzle hose-picture your garden hose with three nozzles. He said, "You hold this gun, and wait at the door. When they are close, you shoot at the thing that the shark chased. It's his child." With those words, he donned his wetsuit and oxygen tank and face mask and swam off. I was alone in the hut in hellish fear that the big jaw would break in at any time. But then it occurred to me that I was going to kill the shark's child. But why? Isn't cruel to kill someone's child? When Wei came back, he was upset I had done nothing. I asked him. "Why are we killing the shark's child? Isn't that brutal?" Wei looked at me, his small eyes zooming in, "because the shark doesn't have a child."
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An apple core
Minax | 26 August, 2009 03:00What did the elders say? If u r observant enough, u'll see karma everywhere. Ok, I confess I invented this saying. Being Chinese, I tend to cheat a little bit on "Chinese sayings". There you go, myth busted. On a side note, the moral of my first paragraph is "don't believe there is that Chinese saying just because a Chinese says it". Excuse my digression. Coming back to where we were, the "being observant" thing. As you know from reading my other posts that my balcony has been rampaged by possums recently. I have this love-hate relationship with possums. On one hand, I find their pink nose particularly attractive. On the other hand, I find their appetite for my herbs particularly annoying. They make a mess when they eat and tend to waste. For instance, I had a couple of perfectly round, ready-to-harvest baby spinach leaves dangling on their severed stems the other day. In my house, there's a policy of zero-tolerance for food left on the plate. A number of my guests found its implementation quite daunting and occasionally embarrassing. So given my strong belief, the possums are classified persona non grata. And I moved all their favorite edibles indoors at night. So yesterday, all that was left to be eaten on the balcony was an apple core which I forgot to pick up after the study sessions. Of cos, it didn't came across my mind that the possums would eat it. I mean they are pretty spoiled over here. And of cos, of cos, you rightfully guessed that by the time I woke up this morning the apple core had gone. So as a result, I had this tender feeling now for the possums because suddenly I realized that there are these vulnerable little souls that don't get to choose which part of an apple they can eat. And I'm a member of powerful humans who get to exploit, gather, store and waste resources, and fight over who have the right to waste them. As part of the privilege, I also get to look down upon other living beings and take away their livelihood whenever and however I want. When I do care for them, I show my care in such a way that I'm bestowing mercy on them. An apple core, such a teeny weeny matter, makes me feel so tender and so compassionate. Maybe, as the Chinese say "If one's observant enough, one will find a way out of the karmic hell" (Google it, I did warn you). Through love and compassion that is.
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A step back
Minax | 25 August, 2009 04:52
Ok I know I've been completely absorbed into the "fantastic" world of
law. As a matter of fact, I volunteer myself to be sweetly roasted day
in day out. What for?
I called mom today. The first words she
said: No time to talk today. I'm rushing to sing the ZhongBa Rinpoche's
prayer for 40,000 times!! "Why in such a hurry?"said I. "Today is the
last day of the monastery's prayer gathering." Said she. She normally
had other excuses when I caught her in the middle of a prayer session.
"What for mom? Why hurry?" She would say that she started too late.
"Some of the nuns practised from as early as 4, you know. I was 49 when
I started. I've got some catch up to do." (More)
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Why are you here?
Minax | 18 March, 2009 23:18The night is heavy and saturated, pregnant with worries and whispers.//
The men, who without the uniforms would be, liked us, deprived underdogs, surveyed us with smug contempt and disciplined rigidity. We are ordered to get out of the bus with raised hands and absolute obedience. Not to invite suspicion. //
Why are you here?
They asked, cold mechanic gaze from a machine gun.
Silence.
Soundless quivering lips.
Hot, fluttering heart of a gazelle.
Why are we here?
We lowered our eyes.
Eyes that are as black as those of a sniper, heavy and saturated like the darkness of tonight. II
(Dramatic recreation of reality)